Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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