so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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