You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
