Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
