it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Someone shattered a urinal.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Randomize
