Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
