Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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