a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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