The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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