I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
