Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
