when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
