What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
3 2 1 whiskey
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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