put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
