i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
