Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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