I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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