google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I am midnight drunk by noon
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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