i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
