I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
