walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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