I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
