You just made me feel so damn special
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
