My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
