If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
And then he peed in my hair
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