smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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