i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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