oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
