He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize