you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
