Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
