just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
