If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize