I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
