he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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