i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize