when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
