Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
