Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
she peed on how many people?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
