Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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