Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize