I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
