Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
