Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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