im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
