Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
