She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
