she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
