I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
