i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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