Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
