spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
