she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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