ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
