Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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