Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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