sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
