so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I need to calm my uterus...
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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