i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
