i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
