is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
