Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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