And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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