She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
