You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
