just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Operation Purity has been aborted
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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