Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
