she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
